Stoneage screeching - a question

What is it about bagpipes?

Every official function I've watched over the last few years has had either a lone piper or a full pipe band as part of it.

I've just watched a group of graduating students walk across Christchurch from the Arts Centre to the Town Hall.

They were, of course, led by a bloody piper.

Often at functions, by the time the stoneage wailing and the pipe band (stoneage screeching?) have finished there is no time for the function.

Why in this English based, multicultural society as far from Britain as anyone can get, do function organisers insist on this bloody Scottish torture at every junction?

The noise defies description.

It is a well known fact that after the Royal Navy, the Royal Airforce and the “Paras” had failed to remove the Argentine forces from the Falklands in 1982 a lone piper was installed, with megaphone, on a hill overlooking Port Stanley. (13th of June, 1982 – look it up)

A great tactic.

The Paras withdrew three miles out to sea and those Argies who could not run/swim fast enough surrendered en-masse to the only Pom left on the island, a deaf gunner's mate who was having a slash when the piper started up, and demanded earplugs.

I myself am on record as stating that far from being best when heard emanating from over the water (an oft told falsehood) bagpipes are far better when heard coming from under the water.

The only time I've ever found the bagpipes even partially acceptable was when a group of four young fellows started playing outside the Christchurch Cathedral last week and for a short time their caterwauling drowned out the incessant, tuneless whistling and braying of a blind lunatic who infests this area and pollutes the whole square.

Surely it is time for NZ to stand up and say enough, we want our own “music” to lead the procession.

I suggest a lone Maori guitarist strumming Ten Guitars – which should, if you think about it take care of the stoneage wailing as well.